I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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