I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
