so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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