Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
