you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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