I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
