a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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