shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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