Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
where am i from again
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
