I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
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I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
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when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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