Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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