Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
