considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
