Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You dont lie about slip and slides
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
