I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
