just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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