i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
