final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
