Small penises have feelings too.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Everyone says I win the strip club
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
