On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
