Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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