No, you can still breathe under the balls.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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