I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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