Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
