Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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