Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
