My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
