When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
