Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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