THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
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