Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
NoShamevember. You game?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
