sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
