Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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