i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
