Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize