my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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