you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
