I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
