Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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