my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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