Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize