Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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