Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
