Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
