Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
