So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
