We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
