your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
