I wish I could punch you in the face.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We're too hungover to prance.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
