Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
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Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
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She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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