so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
