if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?