we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Threesome in a minivan. New low
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.