wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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