dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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