Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
