I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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