dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
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Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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