it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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