Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
