Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
