Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
