I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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