Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
the condom got lost in my hair
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
