Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
